We, the human race have accomplished some truly incredible things. We fly around in 2 tons of metal and steel powered by a giant bomb exploding behind it to propel it forward. We can talk with people literally on the other side of the planet using invisible lasers pointed at another giant orbiting laser beam in SPACE. The internet was invented, so we could bitch at each other and call each other racist. However, there is one moment in history that doesn’t seem to get the recognition that it deserves, and today I feel like shining a spotlight on it as it’s easily the most important thing we as a species have ever accomplished. I’m talking, of course, about the time NASA “accidentally” drew a dick on the surface of mars.

I’ve been told this was an accident. I choose to believe that’s a lie

Now, on the surface, this might seem like just a funny accident and something to laugh at then forget about. And that is where you are wrong. What this is, is so much more than that, because this is the first time in the entire history of the universe that there has been a penis on mars. Billions and billions of years have come and gone. The planets have orbited each other countless times, and entire civilizations have been created, thrived, then fallen in that time. And with all that we’ve seen in that time, never before have we witnessed the first dick to ever be on a planet.

There we are, drawing dick before words even exist

You see, dicks are almost universally funny, and have been since the dawn of humankind. Since caveman days, before there was a written language, we’ve been drawing dicks on everything. Cavemen on cave walls, ancient Greeks on Pompeii statues and walls, Egyptians and their hieroglyphics, we’ve been drawing dicks on things for literally the entire length of humanity, and I don’t think that’s ever really going to stop.

You know the cavemen were laughing their asses off at this

But what makes the one on mars so special it that this is both the first time we’ve put one on another planet, AND it’s the first time we’ve ever seen the first dick on a planet. The first drawing on earth was lost to he eons, but this one has been documented for the world to see for the rest of our history. And really, is there anything more appropriate? Is there anything that screams “Humans were here” more than a dick drawing?

This was carved into a Pompeian theater, truly proof they had culture

Posted by Austin Hamblen, Owner and Main writer of Endlessmonkey.com

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